Envy. It comes in many shades of green, most notably, pea. The notion seems to stem from the belief that, despite what everyone tells you, the grass is always greener on the other side.
If I jumped the fence to the other side of engagement, job security, and buying a house, I suppose I would be some kind of free-agent, freelance artist type who was backpacking around Europe. In my dreams.
No, last night while The Mister was at a BBQ for a friend's birthday (it was in Mississippi), I returned home from teaching class. I made a little grilled tomato, basil, and three cheese sandwich, heated the rest of my tomato, fennel, and dill soup and sat down at the coffee table in front of the TV to watch The Nanny. Envy me, please.
So, reality check, Amy. You would not be jetsetting, painting portraits of rock star's and celebrity's babies, or sipping pinot grigio outside of a cafe in Sicily.
Eek. What a horrible thought. So, now that I know what the grass really looks like, I can say with complete confidence and alacrity that it is indeed not greener on the other side. (Admittedly, I chose The Mister over my imaginary luxury life in Europe long before we got engaged...I dug my heels into the pasture in which I was currently residing rather than brushing against the fence.) Still, it's nice to have these little reminders.
On the bridal front, I haven't logged onto the Knot.com in Lord knows how long. The Mister scheduled our first retreat thing for November. Kinda interested in how that's going to be. Much like my other fantasies, I am desperately hoping the Catholic retreat is like some kind of spa get-away where our pillows are fluffed, white-coated chefs serve us wild game over seasonal veggies and desserts too exotic to pronounce, we can swim in Holy water, and there are little cross-shaped Andes mints in the bathrooms.
Realistically, I'm sure the pillow will be of airplane quality at best (they even suggested bringing one's own pillow as "that is the most comfortable pillow." I beg to differ...they've never used my cheapo pillows). The food will probably be made my Phyllis in the cafeteria ... mystery meat perhaps? Sweet tea and water will dominate as beverage options. I already know we'll be expected to write down what we want out of the marriage and our expectations for our partner. This will also include private time where we can journal on our own.
**crickets chirp**
I know this is important, I know this is important, I know this is important...I hope I don't have papers to grade while I'm off on this oh-so-magical get away.
All right, all sarcasm aside, if this retreat helps make The Mister's and my marriage solid as a rock and rainbows, sunshine, and giggles from that point onward, then I'm all for it. After that, we'll have a natural family planning class to attend (I think it's just one of those) after the new year, then by the powers vested in The Mister's church, we can get married.
I have to admit, I'm kind of nervous that they're going to ask me questions about how I believe, and if they don't like my answer, they won't marry The Mister and me. The Mister thinks I'm being an idiot for worrying about such things, but I can't help it.
At this point, I imagine some kind of darkened FBI-like interrogation facility in which robed Holy men are shining flashlights in my face and asking things that if I answered truthfully, they would probably throw me in a volcano. Eek. I could just pretend to be an idiot.
"How do you feel about marriage?"
"I feel good."
instead of,
"I feel marriage is an equal partnership in which trust, communication, and respect are valued. Each partner should contribute equally to the relationship. If a partner damages that trust and the other partner can no longer trust their spouse, then the relationship ends."
Okay, so I don't see that conversation going that way, but the thing is, Catholic religion doesn't believe in divorce, but if I ever did something horrible to The Mister, I would understand if he could never trust me again and left me. I just think divorce is permissible in some instances. What if, in 20 years, I find out The Mister is a serial killer? Is divorce still not okay?
But, enough of divorce, I definitely feel like we're in it for the long haul. The Mister is my best friend...he's sweet, fun, funny, clever, loving, generous, hard working...as long as he doesn't lose his looks, we should be fine! ;)
Also, the Bible says --and this is of all Christian denominations, that the wife should bow down to her husband. Hmmm...okay, but what if the "leader" of my household is a raving lunatic who spends money like it's going out of style and hits me? Or what if the "leader" of my household is an indecisive ninny who couldn't make a decision if you put a gun to his head? What if the "leader" of my household has some strengths, like he can fix a car, light a propane tank, and patch the roof, but he has weaknesses in others, "Yes, but do you really need the motorcycle (another bill) right now?" and "Why is there a whole chicken boiling in a pot of frozen carrots?"
The Mister and I make some decisions together, which makes for a great partnership. I definitely need more Biblical clarification on this whole "bow down" thing, because I kind of don't agree. Unless, of course, by "bow down" it means be supportive of the sane, responsible things your husband does, which then it would make sense, and I would be compliant. After all, what happens if your hubby goes nutters and ends up on some drug-addicted binge for nine years of your marriage. "Yes, dear, I will eat the dry wall because you told me to. And it is good. Amen." Plfart.
Well, we'll just see about that.
I'm still most definitely looking forward to marrying The Mister...the grass couldn't be any greener where I'm standing, and as long as I don't offend anyone during camp, we should be fine! :)
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