Wedding vs. House --Which is more frustrating? Smackdown!

The Mister and I are juggling planning a wedding and buying a house. I'm still deciding what's more unpleasant. When the results are in, I'll disseminate the information far and wide to young house hunters and to the betrothed. I expect it to be a close race.

Here's what sucks about planning a wedding:
You want to make everyone happy.

My advice: You can't. Save yourself. You want to keep things cheap. My advice: You can't. Pick and choose your expenses. The reception and rehearsal dinner --things that have nothing to do with the wedding itself, will be what cost you the most. If you want a cheap wedding, don't have one.

Elope, come back, throw a BYOB beach party and spring for some cake and a boom box.

You have an ideal location in mind.

My advice: Only have one ideal whether it's the dress, the location, or the date...there's no way you can have it all unless you start planning this thing when you're five. If you're like me, you also thought that no one else would have chosen your wedding date (how could they!?), and yet, you will find that reception halls book up years in advance. I don't care if my daughter has
nine toes on one foot, weighs 700 pounds and has back hair, I'm booking at least one reception hall before she graduates high school.

You will have to ask a man to do leg work.

My advice: Remember the axiom: If you want something done right (or in this case, in
the same season you made the request), do it yourself. You love your man. I love my man. I love him so much that when he comes to my apartment, gets ice cream and then leaves the cabinet door, spoon drawer, and microwave open, I just smile and close them, shaking my head thinking men. (The Mister is so cute, he gets away with it by making an adorable "who me?" face, and I can't get mad at him.)

But, as lovable as they are, when it comes to say, getting addresses or making phone calls, you may as well be shouting into the wilderness.

And Ladies, it's not because they don't love you. It's because they think you're insane, you're making a big deal out of nothing and that they have plenty of time. Okay, we know better, which is why God put women in charge of planning weddings. Imagine how weddings would be if men were put in charge to plan: they would call all of their friends an hour before, they would "forget" to call your mother, he would wear whatever smelled okay in the hamper and would specifically request you not buy anything new for the occassion. Instead of a ring, he'd just give you a firm pat on the bottom to confirm ownership. The reception would be at Wings and would consist of chicken on a stick and beer. The event would conclude with all of the men beating their fists on their chests and howling like Tarzan. Your ovaries would explode out of fear.

So, to conclude, the stress of weddings is that while technically you don't "have" to plan it all yourself, you really do, unless you don't want ovaries.

Biggest Plus of a Wedding
You only have to do it once.

My advice: thank God.


Pretty heavy stuff. So, can buying a house compete with the turmoil of buying a wedding? I have to admit, the knowledge that I'll only have to go through planning a wedding once (my daughter's on her own, Man...that's Mommy point-and-laugh and be glad-it's-not-me time) is like a refreshing, salty breeze after a hurricane.

(Side note: Moms do mock you. Not only have I had to spend my entire life hearing about how mom paid for her 1981 wedding for like, $100 or something insanely cheap like that, but I also had the thrill of finding out --once I'd started to plan this wedding by myself, of course, that she'd sprung for a wedding planner ($75 at the time), and it was the best decision she ever made. Thanks, Mom. Way to hold out on me.)

So, back to houses...this is what sucks about buying a house

You have to learn a lot of new terms

My advice: Buy a book and study it. You are juggling with all of the money you have. My advice: Proceed with caution. Everyone has a different opinion of good. My advice: Get what you want, but make sure it doesn't have structural or other major problems first (i.e., flood zone, is it termite bonded, what's the crime like, what are the school zones like, when will you want to resell it?, what's your resell market?) My dad thinks The Mister and I are dumb as cows for wanting an old fashioned home in midtown. Hey, the heart knows what it wants. We know
we're putting down extra swag for location instead of space.

You have to ask lots of questions.

My advice: get a book and do a checklist
Math is involved. My advice: get a calculator, cry often.

There will be pressure.

My advice: don't make any decision based on guilt. It doesn't matter that the realtor has shown you 600 houses and you decided not to bid on one or you didn't accept the seller's terms, so everything stalemated. You are the only one looking out for 100% of your interests in this process. Your realtor wants to help you find a house, but they also want to make money. The seller wants to do the same thing as you...get a good deal on the sale. Do your homework. Go in with a realistic knowledge and understanding of the process. Did I mention, get a book?

What's Great about Buying a House?
Having a house; you might get on HGTV! (Yes, can I speak with Holmes on Homes?)

So, right now, The Mister and I are juggling, we're working on it...planning the wedding, discussing the house options. It's scary when people start reaching for your bank account!!! I've grown to like my savings....

I guess the wedding is a little tougher because there's not as much time to decide (SMACKDOWN!). Do you want this photographer? Yes or no! Hurry up! He might be gone tomorrow! On the plus, you only have to do it once, and if you're lucky, you'll have a Mister like mine (but not mine, he's, well, mine) who will at the very least love you and find you charming even when you ask him to fax over a Vicodin (or whatever they use for anxiety patients).